This article was co-authored by Maria Avgitidis. Maria Avgitidis is the CEO & Matchmaker of Agape Match, a matchmaking service based out of New York City. For over a decade, she has successfully combined four generations of family matchmaking tradition with modern relationship psychology and search techniques to ensure her professional clientele are introduced to their ultimate match. Maria and Agape Match have been featured in The New York Times, The Financial Times, Fast Company, CNN, Esquire, Elle, Reuters, Vice, and Thrillist.
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Butterflies in your stomach, giddy laughter, jolts of electricity—does it all mean you’re crushing on someone, or are you just really into them as a friend? If you’re feeling pretty confused, don’t worry. We’re here to help you make sense of your feelings and figure out whether the person on your mind is just a friend, or if something else might be going on.
Method 1Method 1 of 3:Defining a ‘Crush’
- 1Know what a crush is. Urban Dictionary defines a crush as "a burning desire to be with someone who you find very attractive and extremely special."XResearch source Crushes make you feel crazy emotions--like feeling shy and uncontrollably giddy at the same time. You can’t always choose who you have a crush on, but you can choose how you react once you figure out that you have a crush on someone.
- 2Realize that there are different kinds of crushes. The term ‘crush’ gets thrown around a lot. It can mean that you simply have a passing infatuation with someone, or that you really like them.
- The Friendly/Platonic Crush (sometimes called a "squish"): It is important to remember that not all strong feelings are romantic, some of them can be platonic as well. Letting yourself trust someone and become really close to someone, without necessarily having romantic feelings for them, is a really special thing. Wanting to be around a person all the time may just mean that you have gone from friends to best friends. It's totally normal to have a friend crush - you should want to hang out with your BFF as much as possible and have a platonic relationship with them.
- The Admiration Crush: When you idolize a person (like a celebrity, teacher, or classmate who has done something really cool) you may realize that you have really intense feelings about that person and what they have done. These feelings might be mistaken for romantic feelings simply because they are so intense. Feeling slightly awed in the presence of someone who has done something amazing or can teach you great things is natural. Often, it's best to let a bit of time pass before really thinking too hard about these feelings. Generally once you have spent a lot of time with this person, you will have learned a lot from them and may begin to feel like you can stand on equal ground. You may find that your crush-like feelings simmer down once the initial awe of being in their presence wears off.
- The Passing Crush: It is human nature to be attracted to other people. Even if you are in a great relationship, you still might find that you feel attracted to someone other than your romantic partner. This attraction is what we call a passing crush-- this new person may seem new and exciting, and they probably are, but that doesn’t mean you should reconsider the relationship you are in or, if you’re single, drop everything to try to be with them. Often times, passing crushes are spiked by being attracted--most often physically--to someone.
- The Romantic Crush: Sometimes having a crush on someone really does mean you really, really like them--and in a romantic way at that. Having a romantic crush means that you want to be with that person in more than just a friendly way--you want to be their romantic partner. If you fantasize about kissing, holding hands with, or cuddling with that person, you probably have a romantic crush.
- 3Consider how serious your crush is. By doing this, you can figure out how best to proceed--whether you should keep your feelings to yourself or share how you feel with your crush. Read the next sections to help you figure out just how strong you are crushing on that special someone.XResearch source
Method 2Method 2 of 3:Being Near Your Crush
- 1Note your behavior around the person you might have a crush on. Pay attention to your physical behavior. Notice how you react instinctively when your crush is around. Different people will react differently, and generally it will be a subconscious reaction. Generally, when you have a crush you will react in one of two ways--either by becoming really shy and tongue-tied, or by becoming really outgoing.
- The Shy Reaction: Do you suddenly feel like you might like to curl up into a ball when your crush is around? Do you blush incessantly and can’t seem to raise your eyes up from that suddenly very interesting speck of dirt on the ground?XResearch source Do you suddenly feel like you don’t have anything witty or interesting to say? All of these reactions tell that you like the person in question.
- The Outgoing Reaction: Do you suddenly feel the urge to tease your potential crush? When they are around, do you get the sudden urge to talk a lot because you want their attention? These are all symptoms of a crush as well. Just make sure that you don’t make your crush uncomfortable if you act this way--try not to tease them too much or they might not want to hang out with you.
- The Flirty Reaction: Do you feel like you want your crush to notice what you are wearing or how your hair is done that day? Do you feel like giggling and joking around? Maybe you suddenly feel the urge to make sure you look as good as possible so that your crush will notice you. Batting your eyes, flipping your hair over your shoulder, and playing with your hair are all signs that you have a crush.XResearch source
- 2Consider how you feel around your potential crush. The most common sign of having a crush is the feeling that you have a million butterflies flying around inside you when that special someone is around. It can also feel like your heart does a leap when you see your crush and you feel warm and giddy.XResearch source
- Do you suddenly feel nervous but excited at the same time? Maybe you feel like you want to hug that person or be with them all the time. These are all normal reactions to having a crush.
- Do you feel like you would give up anything to be near that person?
- 3Notice how you act around your friends and your crush. Having a crush can cause you to suddenly want to be the star of the conversation, or not talk at all when your crush is around. If you are talking with a group of friends and the person you think you might have a crush on walks up, what do you do?XResearch source
- Do you: suddenly feel like you need to be the center of attention? You might find yourself directing the conversation so that you can talk about something cool you did in an attempt to impress your crush. You may even talk over one of your friends so that your story can be heard. You might also try to make as much contact with your crush as possible, keeping their attention on you.
- Do you: suddenly feel like you’re tongue-tied? Having a crush can sometimes make people feel embarrassed and like they don’t have anything to say. If you are normally talkative but suddenly clam up when that special person is around, you most likely have a crush.
- Do you: feel like your friends sort of disappear when your crush walks up? You may be surrounded by people but suddenly all you can see is your crush. You might smile a lot, even if what your friends are talking about isn’t funny. If your friends asked you something, would you have a hard time paying attention to the question because you’re focused on that special person? These are all signs that you have a crush.
- 4Decide whether or not you’re putting more effort into your appearance. A major sign of having a crush on someone is wanting to look nice around that person. Do you spend more time getting dressed in the morning? Have you bought new clothes you thought your crush might like? Do you spend an extra amount of time getting your hair or makeup just right, just in case you see your crush that day? If so, you most definitely have a crush.
Method 3Method 3 of 3:Being Away From Your Crush
- 1Consider whether or not your crush is all you think about. If you find yourself thinking about that special person more than you think about anything else, you most likely have a crush.XResearch source
- Perhaps you are at dinner with your family but you aren’t paying attention to the conversation because you are wondering what your crush is doing.
- Maybe you’re hanging out with your friends but secretly you wish that you were hanging out with your crush.
- When you are going to sleep at night, do you think about what it would be like to kiss your crush goodnight?
- 2Notice whether or not you talk about your crush a lot. Do you find yourself bringing that person up in conversation with your friends all the time? A major sign that you have a crush is when your friends tell you that you talk about that specific person all the time. If you feel comfortable doing so, it would be a good idea to talk to your best friends about thinking that you might have a crush on someone. They can help you figure your feelings out and might have some ideas about how to get to know your crush better.
- Be careful who you talk to about having a crush. Don’t just go blabbing to any random friend about your crush. If you do that, someone might tell your crush and then you might get embarrassed. Only tell your best friends--the friends you can trust the most.
- 3Consider whether or not you’ve changed anything about your life with your crush in mind. Do you have any habits or patterns you have gotten rid of or changed in the hopes of getting your crush’s attention?XResearch source
- Do you walk by their locker a million times in the hopes of seeing your crush?
- Have you changed the path you take to class because you know they walk that way?
- You have taken a new and deep interest in a subject that you know your crush is interested in, like photography or rock climbing.
- 4Pay attention to your internal reaction when someone brings your crush up in conversation. Often, when you have a crush, you will feel excited when your crush gets brought up in conversation. If someone mentions your crush in passing do you:
- Feel excited? Suddenly get that feeling like a bunch of butterflies are flying around your stomach? Feel like your heart might leap out of your chest? Blush and giggle? Get tongue-tied and flustered? If any of these things happen, you have a crush on someone.
- 5Think about your daydreams. There is a difference between thinking about someone and daydreaming about someone. Thinking about someone means you wonder what that person is doing, or how they are feeling. Daydreaming is when you fantasize about things that you want to happen. People who have crushes on other people tend to daydream about their crushes a lot.
- If you daydream about that certain someone and imagine you two going on adventures together, holding hands, kissing, or anything romantic like that, you most likely have a crush on that person.
- 6Notice if things remind you of your potential crush. Being reminded of that special someone when listing to a song, watching a movie, or reading a book is a definite sign that you have a crush.XResearch source
- If you listen to a romantic song and think, ‘Hey, that’s how I feel!’ you have a crush.
- If you watch a movie like Titanic and envision you and your special someone as Jack and Rose, you have a crush.
- If you read Romeo and Juliet and immediately identify with the hopelessly deep love of the main characters, you have a crush.
- 7Consider your thoughts while reading this article. While reading this, has there been one specific person on your mind while reading this article? If you answer yes, it means you most likely have a crush on that person.
- QuestionHow can I have a good first date with my crush?Maria AvgitidisMaria Avgitidis is the CEO & Matchmaker of Agape Match, a matchmaking service based out of New York City. For over a decade, she has successfully combined four generations of family matchmaking tradition with modern relationship psychology and search techniques to ensure her professional clientele are introduced to their ultimate match. Maria and Agape Match have been featured in The New York Times, The Financial Times, Fast Company, CNN, Esquire, Elle, Reuters, Vice, and Thrillist.
Matchmaker & Dating ExpertMatchmaker & Dating ExpertExpert AnswerShow up on time and be present. Avoid taking out your phone while on the date. You should also remember to always be yourself. It may sound basic, but it's important.
- QuestionHow do you talk to a crush?Maria AvgitidisMaria Avgitidis is the CEO & Matchmaker of Agape Match, a matchmaking service based out of New York City. For over a decade, she has successfully combined four generations of family matchmaking tradition with modern relationship psychology and search techniques to ensure her professional clientele are introduced to their ultimate match. Maria and Agape Match have been featured in The New York Times, The Financial Times, Fast Company, CNN, Esquire, Elle, Reuters, Vice, and Thrillist.
Matchmaker & Dating ExpertMatchmaker & Dating ExpertExpert AnswerLet the conversation flow organically as you get to know them. Ask them about their plans for the weekend or how they plan on spending their summer. Consider asking questions about their lifestyle and values as well.
- QuestionI have had a major crush on someone for 3 years, and then my friend said she likes him, too. Everyone says that my friend and my crush belong together, not me and my crush. What do I do? I feel suicidal.Top AnswererYou need to keep yourself safe, first and foremost - feeling suicidal is a warning sign that you may have low self-esteem or a mental health issue. (Please take a look at How to Cope With Suicidal Thoughts to keep yourself safe.) It's understandably painful to think of your crush with someone else, but rejection doesn't determine your worth and just because people are saying your friend would be perfect with your crush doesn't mean you're undesirable or lesser than your friend. Talk to your friend about your feelings for your crush, and make it clear that people saying this makes you feel bad about yourself and you'd like it to stop. If your friend seems dismissive or people are refusing to listen to you, it might be better to spend time with other people. You deserve people who will treat you well, whether they're friends, crushes, or otherwise.
- QuestionI have a crush on a guy, but my best friend likes me a lot and I don't want to hurt him. What do I do?Community AnswerIf you don't have feelings for your friend or you don't think a relationship there is a good idea, then your friend needs to learn that it won't work out. Staying single just because you pity your friend — or worse, dating the friend out of pity — will just make it more painful in the long run.
- QuestionMy crush has friends that are boys. Does that mean she will go for them and not me?Top AnswererThink about it - do you go after every girl you spend time with? Chances are, the answer is no. You're most likely just grappling with jealousy, which is completely normal when you have a crush (nobody wants their crush to like someone else!). While it's possible she could be crushing on one of her friends, keep in mind that people can be friends with someone of another gender and not have a crush on them.
- QuestionI like to know who other people have a crush on, is it possible to figure out who someone has a crush on without having them tell you?Community AnswerPay attention to the people they talk about, and watch where their eyes go. It may sound kind of creepy and stalker-ish, but that's what you're signing up for.
- QuestionIs it a crush if you have two people on your mind?Community AnswerSure! You can have more than one crush. If you can't decide which to pursue, consider going for the more recent crush. After all, if you were obsessed with the first one, you probably wouldn't have noticed the second.
- QuestionHow do you approach someone you've never talked to, but have a crush on?Community AnswerTry to get into the conversation he is having with his friends. Befriend his friends first, especially if they are easier to approach. Help him in every way you can with small favors and projects.
- QuestionI'm terrified about talking to my crush, and whenever I do, I feel stupid. What do I do?Community AnswerJust be natural about it. If you say something stupid, don't be afraid to say "Sorry. I'm just nervous." Your crush will probably think it's cute.
- QuestionHow can I tell the difference between a really big friend crush or a romantic crush??Community AnswerHow do you feel about him? Do you want to be his best friend or more than a friend? Ultimately, it comes down to one question -- do you want to date him, or just hang out? Dating involves commitment, physical intimacy, and privacy. If this sounds daunting or undesirable, it is just a friend crush.
- When you realize you have a crush on someone, don't freak out. Let yourself get used to your feelings before acting on them.
- Don't express your feelings to your crush quickly! If you come on too strong or are too fast to tell them you like them, they may be creeped out.
- Only tell trusted friends, because if you tell too many people, everyone will know.
- Try to help them when they need help. So if you help them out, then that might bring you closer together. Don't make your feelings too obvious, or else they will get the sense that somethings up and start to move away from you.
- If you have a crush on someone, you have the choice to tell them or keep it a secret. However, if you don't trust your friends with your secrets, don't tell them. They might blab it to the wrong person who would tell your crush, leaving your crush feeling awkward.
- Write your feelings down on a note app or piece of paper, then read them... It should be obvious if you have a crush on them or not.
- Get to know your crush. Sometimes, how you see them (or where you'd place them on the pedestal) is not necessarily how your crush really is.
- Keep in mind that simply because you have a small crush on somebody of the same gender, it doesn't necessarily mean that you are gay or lesbian.
- Don't get your crushes mixed up with "friend" crushes! Friend crushes can easily happen with people as easily as "romantic" crushes happen.
About This Article
To tell if you have a crush on someone, think about whether you feel giddy and excited when you see or think about them. If you do, it could be because you have a crush on them, and your body is releasing chemicals like dopamine to encourage your crush. Pay attention to how you act when they’re around too. You might go out of your way to get their attention, or you might avoid them because you feel shy and nervous when they’re around. Either way, it could be a sign that you’re crushing on them! Also ask yourself whether you put more effort into your appearance when you know you’re going to see your potential crush. If you do, you might be trying to impress them because deep down you like them. Try to keep track of how often you catch yourself thinking about them. If you think about them a lot when they’re not around, it might mean you have a crush on them and miss them.
Reader Success Stories
- "When people often use the word 'crush', I thought of another meaning until when I came across this article, which explains it as romantic feelings towards a girl or boy. So this has widened my understanding on what crush means and how one can compose himself and direct his actions if he finds out he has a crush on someone, and vice-versa."..." more